Annie Leibovitz Re-Lists Urban Compound

SELLER: Annie Leibovitz
LOCATION: New York City, NY
PRICE: $29,900,000
SIZE: 10,200 square feet

YOUR MAMAS NOTES: After failing to sell at when it was listed in December 2012 for $33 million, celebrity photographer Annie Leibovitz has re-listed her townhouse compound in the heart of New York City's West Village, as was first reported by the peeps at Luxury Listings NYC (via The Real Deal), with a new photographs, previously unseen floor plans, and much lower $29.9 million price tag.

Property records show Miz Leibovitz acquired the larger of the two townhouses for $4.15 million in 2002 and the next year shelled out another $1.87 million for the smaller, wedge shaped townhouse that that's attached but, according to our interpretation of the floor plans now included with digital marketing materials, remains otherwise separate from the larger residence.

Listing details show the entire urban compound spans roughly 10,200 square feet and has been meticulously renovated and restored with all new plumbing and electrical systems, original stoops and doors, and more than 70 new landmark-approved wooden windows.

The smaller, wedge shaped townhouse, according to Your Mama's read of the floor plan, has a private entrance, a combination living/dining/kitchen with fireplace, a windowless basement, a bedroom (with fireplace) and hall bathroom on the second floor and another, larger bedroom on the third floor, also with fireplace.

The larger, 40-foot wide townhouse appears to Your Mama to once have been two separate townhouses and also appears to only be connected down in the sub-basement and up on the top level by a wide, sky-lit corridor. We counted seven bedrooms and 4.5 bathrooms plus staff bedroom in the basement and a self-contained two story guest house with one more bedroom, another bathroom, a kitchenette, and two fireplaces.

The larger townhouse also two forty-foot long loft-like living and dining rooms, each with two fireplaces, a small but expensively equipped kitchen with stainless steel cabinetry and a built-in banquette, a second floor library, two laundry rooms—one in the basement the other on the top floor, at least 10 fireplaces—although we have no idea how many of them remain functional, and way down in the sub-basement, a handful of walk-in storage closets and a separate, walk-in safe.

The commodious master suite is complete with bedroom and sitting room—both with fireplaces, an adjoining office, several closets and loads of built-ins, and, finally, a compact but well outfitted bathroom with a street-facing window.

As far as Your Mama's research shows, Miz Leibovitz still owns a 200-ish acre country spread in Rhinebeck, NY.

listing photos and floor plan: Corcoran

Rockstar's Russ Weiner Flipping Out in Hermosa Beach

SELLER: Russ Weiner
LOCATION: Hermosa Beach, CA
PRICE: $13,900,000
SIZE: 6,200 square feet, 6 bedrooms, 5.5 bathrooms

YOUR MAMAS NOTES: In July (2013), luxe-living (and unfortunately named) RockStar energy drink mogul Russ Goldencloud Weiner—yeppers, puppies, that's really his middle name—shelled out exactly $10 million for a modern, beach front residence in Hermosa Beach, CA. Just a month later, we first learned from the ever-vigilant real estate yenta Yolanda Yakkeyyak, the 30-something year old orange-haired entrepreneur flipped the property back on the market with a substantially higher $13.9 million price tag.

Listing details show Mister Weiner's four-floor beach house sits cheek to jowl with the neighboring houses and was built brand new about six years ago with has a total of six bedrooms and 5.5 bathrooms in about 6,200 square feet of interior space.

A bi-level, marble-floored entry with sinuous stainless steel stair railings and a huge circular skylight that floods the space with natural light leads to the also marble-floored main floor living spaces that includes a formal dining room and a compact den with stainless-steel fireplace surround. The main living space is a spacious, open-plan space with more marble floors, a fireplace, and a clean-lined kitchen outfitted with walnut cabinetry, four-stool breakfast bar, and sleek stainless steel Euro-style appliances that include a built-in coffee maker. A wide, curved wall of glass doors fold open to a slender (and marble-floored) patio with panoramic beach and ocean views.

Three of the six bedrooms are located in the basement along with a kitchenette-equipped family room and a home theater with newly installed 3-D projection equipment. There are two more bedrooms on the second floor, including a spacious master suite with walk-in closet, ocean-side terrace, and a fireplace surmounted by a grotesquely-sized 90-in flat screen television. The attached master bathroom, slathered in marble, has twin sinks, a glass-enclosed steam shower, a separate sauna, and a jetted tub set in front of some sort of mural of jellyfish. A sixth bedroom—currently set up as a work-out room, according to marketing materials, perches up on the uppermost third level where there's a crowded-looking roof terrace with outdoor fireplace and free-standing spa.

Other amenities and luxuries, as per listing details, include a state-of-the-art home automation system with integrated tough panel controls, three-car garage plus additional guest parking, and a five-stop elevator.

Mister Weiner, the Las Vegas-based politically active son of vitriolic right wing radio host Michael Savage, has a long history of purchasing high-priced properties and quickly putting them back on the market with with large mark-ups.

In early 2010 Mister Weiner paid $6.75 million for a 19,000 square water front monster mansion on Palm Island in Miami Beach (FL). The property was formerly owned by high-flying hip-hop music producer turned bankrupt cocaine addict Scott Storch who, like Icarus, flew to close to the sun lost the mansion to foreclosure. Mister Weiner quickly turned around and listed the property in late 2010 for an incredulously optimistic $20,000,000 but didn't manage to unload it until September 2012 when rapper and Cash Money Records founder Bryan "Birdman" Williams came along and shelled out $14.5 million dollars for the super-sized spread.

Your Mama's research shows Mister Weiner continues to own an almost 10,000 square foot mansion in the Beverly Park enclave that he scooped up for $15 million in 2007 and had on and off the market between March 2009 and February 2011 at a variety of rose-tinted prices that went as high as $28,000,000. Property records also show that in March 2009 the real estate mad Mister Weiner dropped $11,600,000 for a gated, 1.48 acre ocean front spread in Delray Beach, FL with a 14-ish thousand square foot mansion with, according to listing details from the time of the purchase, seven bedrooms, seven full and three half bathrooms, an 8-car air-conditioned garage, a separate guest house, swimming pool, and tennis court. In typical fashion, Mister Weiner flipped the property back on the market just a month later for $17,500,000 but failed to sell it and took it off the market in March 2010.

listing photos: Shorewood Realtors

Bunny Mellon's Former Mansion Up For Grabs Again

Although it's 72% smaller than the 62,000 square foot Residence at River House and currently listed for a whole lot less money—$46 million, to be exact—a super-duper rich person with a yen for a New York City trophy property could do a whole lot worse than the downright aristocratic, double-wide townhouse mansion that was custom built in the mid-1960s for sick-rich American banking heir Paul Mellon and his second wife, Rachel Lambert Mellon, herself an heiress to a mouthwash fortune—her grandfather invented Listerine—who is otherwise known in her upper class social circles as as Bunny.

The 40-foot wide, mid-block mansion—current listing details describe the house as "NeoFrench classic style" and 2006 listings called "Paris in New York:—on a particularly tony stretch of tree-lined East 70th Street between Park and Lexington Avenues, stands five stories above ground and measures in at a considerable 11,100-ish square feet.

The Mellon mansion's current owners, Irish businessman Tony White and his wife Clare according to property records, purchased the property directly from Miz Mellon in July 2006 for $22,500,000. Miz Mellon, a high-cultured philanthropist and accomplished horticulturist who presides over a bucolic estate in Upperville, VA that encompasses thousands of acres, is now more than 100 years old and over the last few years has divested herself of much of her private real estate portfolio. In 2009 she sold an Manhattan townhouse, also on East 70th Street, for $13.5 million to former Morgan Stanley CEO John J. Mack and this year, the children may recall, Miz Mellon sold a 26-acre water-front Cape Cod compound to multi-billionaire mining magnate William "Bill" Koch for $19.5 million. Anyways...

Using the floor plan provided with digital marketing materials Your Mama counted six bedrooms, eight full and four half bathrooms (plus a w/c in the basement), three kitchens, at least five fireplaces, two laundry rooms, and more than three dozen closets and half a dozen walk-in storage rooms. We calculated nearly 2,500 square feet of private outdoor space, all designed once upon a time by Miz Mellon who, don't cha know, also re-designed the Rose Garden at the White House for her long-time gal pal Jackie Kennedy. (For the record: 2006 listings indicate there are five staff bedrooms but we didn't see them marked on the floor plan included with current online marketing materials.)

Mister and Missus Mellon's Big Apple mansion replaced a pair of mid-19th century townhouses and was—as was and remains the expensive custom of the very rich—custom-built to their own specifications, which may explain the huge house's somewhat idiosyncratic configuration.

Although as large as a suburban macmansion, it appears to Your Mama that the townhouse lacks a proper, guest-impressing staircase. It's almost rare as a unicorn for a house of this stature not to have a grand staircase that, at the very least, links the piano nobile to the floor above and/or below, but alas. Certainly the mansion's main staircase is expertly crafted and finely finished with exquisite materials that only rich people can afford but it is, none-the-less, practically hidden in the far back corner of the residence where it can not be easily ogled at by the Chinese food delivery man. Only slightly more conveniently located next to the main stair case is an elevator that serves all six floors of living space.

Also peculiar compared to more standard Manhattan townhouse layouts is that the informal family quarters—kitchen, family room, study, and one of the two laundry rooms—were settled on the second floor while the grandly dressed public rooms—drawing room and dining room connected by a couple of vestibules—were placed high up on the third floor where they spill out through numerous French doors to an elevated courtyard garden. There's also a formally arranged garden off the back of the ground floor where, in addition to a decent-sized staff bedroom and bathroom, there's also a library/office with fireplace and direct access to the rear garden, an adjoining study nook, a small secondary kitchen, and two powder rooms.

The fourth floor is devoted entirely to adjoining double master suites and there are three more moderately-sized en suite guest/family bedroom on the fifth. The Mellons, as y'all may have noticed from your own perusals of the floor plan including with current marketing materials, did up the master suite up in manner Your Mama might call Old School High Wasp wherein the Mister and Missus of the house maintain completely separate—if adjoining—suites with individual bedrooms and, preferably—as is the case in the Mellon manse, with separate dressing areas and separate en-suite facilities.

If $130 million for 62,000 square feet of raw space at River House is financially out of the question and $46 million for a pedigreed townhouse on what is arguably one of the best (and most expensive) residential blocks in all of Manhattan is still too rich for your trophy property seeking pocketbook, low-profile but obviously prodigiously wealthy financier Peter C. R. Huang as re-listed his titanic, palatial 14-room duplex apartment at the preposterously posh 740 Park Avenue for $29,500,000 after failing to sell it back in 2008 with it popped up for sale with a much higher $38,000,000 price tag. Almost seems like a bargain, don't it?

listing photos and floor plan: Sotheby's International Realty

UPDATE: The Residence at River House

As it turns out, those wily property gossips at Business Insider got their lucky mittens on designer Tony Ingrao's proposed floor plan for the 62,000 square foot Residence at River House, listed this week with an attention grabbing $130 million price tag. We'll let the children pour over the details and parse the merits of the excessively super-sized apartment but here are a few tidbits to whet your floor plan porn whistle...

At more than 41 feet long, the (partly) double-height grand entry measures more than 1,000 square feet with elliptical staircase and an elevator for traversing the townhouse-type apartment's five floors. We noted the his and her powder poopers—hers has two terlit stalls and his has a stand up urinal—as well as a guest coat closet that's an astounding 17 feet long. There are large vestibule entries to both the cavernous living room and the equally capacious library which both have 20-foot ceilings and river views.

In addition to a full spa with make-up and massage rooms—not to mention separate steam room and sauna that are each as big as a large bedroom—the 27,500 square foot two-level leisure complex includes a second full kitchen and a fitness area that's more than 100-feet long and outfitted with a convenient half bathroom and a wet bar that's perfect for a boozy, mid-work out pick-me-up. There's also a two-lane bowling alley, a 45-foot long wine cellar, a 900-square foot billiard room, and an indoor tennis court with viewing benches and a wet bar. That's right, butter beans, an indoor tennis court. It would be, as far as Your Mama knows, the only private indoor tennis court in all of Manhattan. Mister Ingrao's plan calls for a leisure complex mezzanine level with a  a screening room and game room (with yet another wet bar) but does not, it seems, include a bathroom.

The top floor river-view master suite, about 4,000 square feet all by itself, has a separate sitting room and bed chamber that are divided by pocket doors and combined stretch more almost 62 feet. In addition to dual bathrooms that are each significantly larger than an unusually spacious Manhattan studio apartment, both the his and the her boutique-sized dressing rooms have separate walk-in closets for out of season clothing storage. Her closet also has a separate, walk-in shoe closet. Three hotel suite-style guest/family bedrooms that share a (windowless) lounge each have private compartmentalized bathrooms and walk-in closets.

The 6,000+ square foot back-of-house staff quarters are spread across two floors. On the upper staff level we spotted three dedicated staff bedrooms, each with private bathroom and walk-in closet plus a 65-foot long staff lounge with kitchen. A second, completely windowless staff lounge on the lower staff level (behind the master and guest bedrooms) has a second kitchen(ette) plus a massive laundry area with walk-in linen storage rooms, a bulk storage pantry and a built-in ironing table.

floor plans: Brown Harris Stevens via Business Insider

Ta-Duh! The Residence at River House!

If there's one thing Your Mama has learned from our half dozen years in the property gossip trenches it's that no matter what the condition of the economy—globally, locally, up, down, depressed or otherwise in flux—there's always going to be rich people and some of them are going to be so extraordinarily financially well endowed they can comfortably acquire a exceptionally expensive trophy property such New York City's newly listed The Residence at River House,

What is this The Residence at River House, you ask? Well, children, buckle your safety belts because, if you haven't already heard, it's a real damn real estate doozy.

The RRH.—let's just call it that for short, shall we?—eats up 62,000 square feet over five floors of the venerable and still preposterously snooty if no longer terribly fashionable River House complex that hovers over the filthy, traffic-choked F.D.R. Drive and over looks the ship-trafficked East River. The urban mega-mansion was hoisted on the open market this week amid much hullabaloo and flabbergast with a publicity seeking and publicity ensuring $130,000,000 price tag.

Once upon a time, River House was the very pinnacle of real estate snobbery in upper class New York City. So the scuttlebutt goes, in 1980 the famously persnickety co-op board allegedly rejected Gloria Vanderbilt's bid to buy into the high-nosed building because she was presumed to be having—ahem—relations with her "frequent escort" Bobby Short who is—oh, dear—a black man. Nowadays River House feels stuffy and musty in terms of its desirability to the globe-trotting super rich of today's world and, just between us chickens, the building is a couple too many blocks east of Midtown to be considered convenient to anything but itself.

The department store-sized spread, which occupies what was formerly River House's private social and athletic club, is offered "in its existing condition," as per marketing materials. That means the $130 million price is for raw space that will, we should all be assured, take years and another ten or twenty million to transform in to a properly fitted and luxuriously outfitted private residence of truly Brobdingnagian proportions.

To wit: the Casa Grande at Hearst Castle in San Simeon (CA) rings up at 60,645 square feet which means The Residence is almost 2,000 square feet bigger. Have you seen Hearst Castle? Your Mama has. We've been there, many times. Case Grande is epically gigantic. And RRH, children, is larger, and it's on the edge of Midtown Manhattan. It's real estate insanity, really.

The proposed build out of RRH by much-published, super-luxe specialist designer Tony Ingrao are described in marketing materials as a 30-ish room spread with eight bedrooms, ten bathrooms, and cavernous public rooms with 20-foot ceilings. Twenty! The river-view living room alone looks in renderings to be as big as a hotel ballroom. Mister Ingrao envisions an equally commodious double-height library and a super-sized kitchen complex, one presumably planned to best facilitate the gastronomic creations of a well-compensated private chef and a minimum wage scullery maid.

Mister Ingrao's plan calls for a 15,000 square foot bedroom wing that includes a 62-foot long master bedroom and another 6,000 square feet of staff accommodations. Did you get that? Six thousand square feet of space just to house the staff. If six though square feet for staff sounds excessive keep in mind that it's virtually impossible for pampered housewife with part-time staff to maintain a home of this proportion. Fer chrissakes, imagine how long it takes to Swiff a 62,000 square foot house. For-evuh, that's how long. And you think Madame of the 62,000 square foot apartment is gonna Swiff that shit three days a week when she has better things to do like have a private fitting with Karl Damn Lagerfeld or fly private to Houston to pick up a particularly hard to come by Birkin bag? Pleeze. A lady like this has people, usually a slew of people at her beck and command. This can't even get dressed without paying three people an arm and a leg to tell her what to wear and how to accessorize it nor can she get in or out of a chauffeur driven car without a body guard and an PDA-laden assistant that's stuck to her like a barnacle.

And don't even get Your Mama started on this lady's husband because y'all should not need little old us to tell you that this lady's man, a man with the resources to fork over $130,00,000 for a 62,000 square foot apartment that he can also afford to build out and maintain is not about to scrub his own damn toilet or—let's be honest—make himself a peanut butter sandwich. People, this man could hire a man to wipe his backside if he wanted and—trust, children—that degradation as a symbol of ultimate wealth and power is coming. Mark Your Mama's word on that, butter beans, because it's coming. Anyways, the point we're trying to make is that a 62,000 square foot house, even one used on a part-time basis, requires an extensive, full-time retinue of personnel. Iffin we had to guess, we'd say at least half a dozen not counting a 'round the clock Mossad-trained security team.

Since RRH has five thousand square feet more than an entire football field, including the end zones, Mister Ingrao managed to squeeze in a 27,500 garden-level leisure facility comprised of a river-view natatorium with a 62-foot long pool, an indoor tennis court, an IMAX-outfitted screening room, a wine cellar, a two-lane bowling alley, a gaming room, and a full spa with hot and cold plunge pools. That means—Your Mama imagines—a state-of-the-art mani-pedi station with a Vietnamese gal on call 24/7 and a private, aromatherapy-equipped room where Sven, the hunky masseuse who both Missus and Mister 62,000 Square Foot House keep on retainer, can do what he does best, if you know what we mean.

Listing details state that floor plans are available upon request. We'd request them but we sorta know already that the high-powered real estate agents who hold the listing for RRH would sooner lick a cat's ass then email the plans to naughty-naughty Yours Truly. However, iffin any of the children get their hands on a copy and might fancy a covert pass along, we'd puke with gratitude.

listing photos: Brown Harris Stevens

One of each: Canal front House , Condo/townhouse , Dry lot house , All bank owned

389K for this ground level CBS canal front house CBS 1350 SF interior on a 6500 SF lot located in S. Key Largo UNDER CONTRACT!!!

232 for this townhouse in Moon Bay. Moon Bay features: Pool, Tennis Courts, Marina and Clubhouse. This makes a great investment property. Moon Bay rents well and the townhomes come up seldom for sale

CBS 3 bedroom, 3 baths house on Plantation Key. 1830SF interior on a 6600SF lot listed at 300K

If you are interested in property in the Keys please contact me, Veepka, at 305-393-0923 or VeepkaC21@gmail.com

Some Weekend Hook Ups

Last year someone broke in to Zoe Saldana's home in L.A.'s Los Feliz area. This week the secretly married Avatar actress listed the four bedroom and four bathroom property for $1,199,000. (Trulia Luxe Living)

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Race car Jimmie Johnson may be a favorite of NASCAR's mostly suburban and rural acolytes but the 38-year old speed demon and his wife, former model Chandra Janway, favor a sophisticated urban life in New York City where they recently sold a thoroughly modern three bedroom apartment on the sixth floor of the Robert A.M. Stern-designed Superior Ink building in the West Village for $10.5 million and purchased a larger five bedroom one on a much higher floor for $14,250,000. (New York Post)

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The long-time Toluca Lake (CA) compound of the late Showbiz legend Bob Hope and his wife, Dolores, was listed this week with an astronomical-for-the-locale $27,500,000 asking price. The 5.16 acre spread has a nearly 15,000 square foot main mansion done over in the 1950s by John Elgin Woolf, a guest house with two bedrooms and two bathrooms, two bedroom and one bathroom staff quarters, separate offices, and both an indoor and an outdoor swimming pool. The catch? The four-parcel property can not be subdivided for at least five years and Miley Cyrus's family home is just over the back fence. (Curbed)

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Speaking of that Disney-darling turned pop culture sassy-pants Miley Cyrus...According to a profile in Rolling Stone, the tongue-wagging twerker has moved back in to her family home and sent her parents to live around the corner. She goes on to dish about how her neighbor, comedian Steve Carrell, is always throwin' her "'the stank-eye'" because she drives too fast in the affluent and buttoned-down residential 'hood. (Rolling Stone via Curbed)

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Rockabilly musician Brian Setzer has a kitchy-glam 3,100 square foot condo in downtown Minneapolis's Warehouse District that's filled with Grammys, gold records, pinball machines, and upsetting wall treatments. Oh, and he'd like to unload for $1,299,000. (Realtor.com Blog via Curbed)

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Earlier this year Your Mama spilled the real estate beans about Million Dollar Listing bad boy Josh Flagg paying Tinseltown scion David Katzenberg $1.6 million for his 1935 Spanish bungalow starter house just above L.A.'s bustling Sunset Strip. New reports reveal quirky Mister Flagg has quietly unloaded his two bedroom and two bathroom 17th-floor condo-crib at the I.M. Pei-designed Century Towers complex in Century City for $1.3 million to an unidentified buyer. Mister Flagg told the lady property gossip at the L.A. Times that he hauled in another $525,000 on the transaction as the new owner purchased all the furnishings. (L.A. Times)

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In May (2013) suspended professional bat swinger and ball catcher Alex "A-Rod" Rodriguez sold a custom-constructed 21,700 square foot behemoth in Miami Beach for $30 millions to a beer distribution tycoon and his German beauty queen wife and now comes word down the real estate gossip grapevine that the slugger's decided to dramatically down size to a 1,725 square foot beach front condo condo at the Zen-inspired Mei complex that he picked up for $2.1 million. (Gossip Extra)

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Poor Kanye West. He and his baby momma Kim Kardashian are spending millions to customize that $9 million mac-mansion on the outskirts of L.A.'s high-toned Bel Air 'hood they bought earlier this year but the wee lamb has had to once again cut the asking price of his contemporary, art filled bachelor pad in the Hollywood Hills. (Redfin Blog)

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And finally, in other Kardashian real estate news—whether you want it or not, Kimmy K's older sister Kourtney and her fancy wrist watch wearing baby daddy, Whatshisface, were spotted peeping a multi-million dollar estate in horsey Hidden Hills, CA, the same guard-gated and star-saturated enclave in the western suburbs of L.A.'s San Fernando Valley where Big Momma-Manager Kris Jenner and her husband, Bruce, live.  (TMZ)

Adam Carolla Snags Suburban (Family) Man Cave

BUYER: Adam Carolla
LOCATION: La Cañada-Flintridge, CA
PRICE: $2,965,000
SIZE: 3,992 square feet, 5 bedrooms, 4.5 bathrooms

YOUR MAMAS NOTES: Your Mama first heard word that man-centric (and occasionally offensive) comedian, radio personality and actor Adam Carolla had acquired a new house in the same suburban Los Angeles community as rom-com actor Vince Vaughn from Benny Birdie who, he said, heard it straight from the horses mouth on his eponymous and tremendously popular podcast The Adam Carolla Show.*

Before his podcast super-success Mister Carolla previously co-hosted the call-in radio program Loveline with media savvy doctor Drew Pinsky, co-hosted with Jimmy Kimmel the televised man-fest gab show The Man Show, and he co-created Crank Yankers, a silly show on which puppets crank called unsuspecting innocents in an effort to create great and spontaneous hilarity. Last year (2012) Mister Carolla popped up on Dancing With The Stars—he was axed after he unwisely incorporated a unicycle in to a Paso Doble routine, and last year he was the fourth famous contestant "fired" from the fifth season of Celebrity Apprentice. A multi-pronged professional, Mister Carolla has also wrote or co-wrote a number of humorous, social commentary tomes including a couple—Not Taco Bell Material (2012) and In Fifty Years We'll All Be Chicks...And Other Complaints from an Angry Middle-Aged White Guy (2010)—that made it to The New York Times Best Seller list.

Naturally, being the curious monkey we are, Your Mama peeped a passel of property record data bases and made a couple of discreet queries with a couple of well-connected colleagues. It was good ol' Lucy Spillerguts who first chimed in with the confirmation that Mister Carolla and his wife, Lynette Paradise, had indeed spent $2,965,000 on a 1920s hacienda-style casa on a leafy street in the decidedly prosperous but low key La Cañada-Flintridge community that's nestled into the mouth of a rugged canyon about 15 miles north of downtown Los Angeles between the Verdugo Mountains and the Angeles National Forest in the San Gabriel Mountains.**

Digital marketing materials Your Mama discovered on the interweb show the mid-block, single-story residence sits on .56 gated and landscaped acres and has five bedrooms and 4.5 bathrooms in 3,992 square feet of interior space that's already has a soup-to-nuts renovation that blends original, 1920s Spanish-style architectural details with all the modern comforts and conveniences expected in a three million dollar house in an affluent suburban community.

A long, gated driveway passes under a double-wide porte cochere and continues on to the rear of the flat parcel where it makes a hard right and morphs into a parking pad/basketball court in front of the mini-estate's 727 square foot, detached three-car garage.

There's a generously deep front porch and a slightly squeezy foyer that links to the formal living and dining rooms. The former has lustrous medium brown wood floors, vernacular-appropriate (and art-friendly) white stucco walls, a central fireplace, and a magnificent exposed beam ceiling with hand stenciled details and clerestory windows that bathe the room in softened sunlight. The chatoyant wood floors continue in to the adjoining dining room that has thin but still rugged wood beams across the ceiling and three walls lined with floor-to-ceiling French doors that look out on the green, tree-shaded front lawn. Both rooms, as per listing information, retain original hardware and lighting that Your Mama assumes has all been restored and re-wired.

The eat-in kitchen, essentially a double-wide galley-style situation, has more wood beams on the ceiling, a couple of sky lights, high-grade stainless steel appliances, and distressed wood cabinetry that looks to Your Mama as if it was hand-waxed after all the painted was roughly scraped off. It's a look, for sure, just not one Your Mama cares for. We do, however, dig the sea foam green back splash tile that's repeated in a larger scale on the window-equipped bedroom-sized laundry room.

The medium brown wood floors switch to terra cotta tiles in the family room that's lucky enough to have a vaulted wood ceiling with clerestory windows but otherwise seems to suffer from a dearth of windows. Listing photographs from the time of the sale show a smaller den with leather club chairs and fuzzy pillows has more windows but Your Mama wonders if that room is actually one of the five bedrooms. Bueller? Bueller? Anyone? Bueller?

A built-in storage bench runs under a long row of windows that overlook the private, tree-ringed backyard and flood the master bedroom with natural light. The exposed wood ceilings are vaulted and transom-topped French doors connect to a deep, tiled veranda that also overlooks the backyard. Whomever was responsible for the remodel of the master bathroom really went for it with black and white tile floors, intricately patterned Spanish-style tile accent stripes, and a double vanity crafted from a carved wood cabinet that looks almost Indonesian. The zebra-stripe rug that the home's sellers laid in front of the sarcophagus-shaped soaking tub is totally overkill, but who are we to judge, right? Anyways...

The deep and wide rear veranda steps down to an generous expanse of flat lawn that eventually runs up against and wraps around a low, fastidiously clipped hedge that encircles a large terrace with salt water swimming pool, elevated spa, and built-in bar area with barbecue and booze fridge.

Since 2003 Mister and Missus Carolla have lived in a 5,500 square foot Spanish-style house on a private, gated knoll in the Hollywood Hills. They paid $1.6 million for the property and spent another two years and who knows how much money to restore and renovate. The decision to vacate hill top home that has a view of Lake Hollywood may (or may not) have had something to do with the five bathroom house having only two bedrooms. Or could it be they decamped to a more family-friendly house in La Cañada-Flintridge because they have school age fraternal twins and the school system in the wealthy suburb consistently ranks among the top five or 10 in California? Or maybe Mister Carolla, a former contractor, just wanted a new home design project? After all, according to a 2010 house tour article in/on The Wall Street Journal, Mister Carolla has "self-described effeminate hobbies: interior design and 1920s architecture?" (Huh. And here we thought 1920s architecture was a more gender neutral thing. Call Your Mama schooled by Mister Man Cave.)

Whatever the reason(s), does this mean Mister and Missus Carolla plan to sell their former home in the Hollywood Hills, the one where car collecting Mister Carolla has a hydraulic platform that lifts one of his vintage sports cars—say an orange 1970 Lamborghini Miura—from the eight-car garage up in to his canyon view office where there are four flat-screen televisions hung from the ceiling? (Wonder how much that contraption cost?)

Mister and Missus Carolla also own a walled, gated and modestly sized ranch-style residence (with detached guest house) on Point Dume in Malibu that they purchased, according to Your Mama's research, in April 2007 for $3,600,000. Some of their nearest neighbors are Howie Mandel and Emilio Estevez, both of whom have their gated mini-compounds on the market.

*The Adam Carolla Show currently holds the Guinness World Record for the most downloaded podcast. It was downloaded nearly sixty million times from March 2009 to March 2011.

**Mister and Missus Carolla's new next door neighbors are none other than Mister Vaughn and his wife, Kyla, and their two young children. Celebrity real estate watchers will recall that Mister and Missus Vaughn paid $3,925,000 for their classic, center hall Colonial in La Cañada-Flintridge just this last April (2013). 

listing photos: Coldwell Banker

Stanley Tucci Lists Pastoral South Salem Spread

SELLER: Stanley Tucci
LOCATION: South Salem, NY
PRICE: $1,850,000
SIZE: 5,450 square feet, 5 bedrooms, 4 bathrooms

YOUR MAMAS NOTES: Occasionally scruffy-faced, often bespectacled with intellectualizing spectacles, always smooth-pated, and immoderately handsome 50-something year old veteran actor Stanley Tucci lost his social worker wife, Kate, to breast cancer a bit more than four year ago.

The Emmy and Golden Globe-winning—and Oscar-nominated—actor was remarried last August (2012) to a tall—and considerably younger—literary agent named Felicity Blunt, the older sister of British actress Emily Blunt. The May-December newlyweds first met in 2006 when The Tooch and E. Blunt were filming The Devil Wears Prada but they didn't hook up until after they became reacquainted, in July 2010, at the Lake Como (Italy) wedding of Emily Blunt and John Krasinki.

All the children who know a damn thing about celebrity real estate know that in the Privileged Land of the Rich and Famous a new spouse—as well as a new baby and/or a failed marriage—often also means a new house. Mister Tucci's (fairly) recent nuptials may (or may not) be why, as Your Mama first heard from Willie Westchester, the lauded and applauded stage, television, and silver screen actor has put his pastoral spread in exceedingly affluent and beautifully bucolic South Salem, NY, on the market for $1,850,000.*

Property records show cookbook authoring Mister Tucci and first Missus Tucci acquired the country estate on a quiet country lane in January 2005. They paid $1,425,000 for the six acre property that currently includes a fully self-contained gate/guest house as well as an updated, upgraded, and generously expanded Colonial-style main residence, part of which dates back to the late 18th century.

Current listing details show there are five bedrooms and four bathrooms in the rambling, multi-story abode that spans a spacious and but hardly huge 5,405 square feet of interior space that marries original architectural details with contemporary finishes and modern amenities.

The sparse but comfortably furnished formal living room looks extra wide in listing photographs and is fitted with (antique-looking) wide plank wood floors stained a rich milk chocolate color, perfectly appropriate six-over-six sash windows, a fireplace, and a ceiling punctuated by so many can lights it looks a little astrological in there.

The floors switch to another kind of wood—maybe mahogany, possibly cherry—in both the kitchen and the airy, window-lined formal dining room where there's a second fireplace and a steep-pitched vaulted ceiling. The super-sized center island eat-in kitchen has a vaulted ceiling punctuated by a quartet of sky lights, miles of maple-colored Shaker style cabinetry, acres of slab marble counter tops, and the expected collection of high-quality appliances that include a pair of dishwashers.

The floor material changes—again, fer chrissakes—to a whitish-yellow in the privately situated main floor master suite that has a high-pitched vaulted ceiling, scads of (four-over-one) sash windows plus sliding doors to a slender private terrace that overlooks the rear grounds. The luxurious if somewhat austere, marble tile clad bathroom has a two sink vanity, a soaking tub plenty big enough for a romantic twosome—iffin you like that sort of thing, and separate glass-fronted steam shower. A lower level home fitness room has wall-to-wall floor tiles, Easter orange paint on the walls, is equipped with every sort of body torture device known to mankind, and must be where Mister Tucci keeps his middle-aged man-body looking like—uhm—this.

A foliage encircled blue stone dining and entertainment extends off the back of the main level and features a wood-fired pizza oven imported from Italy and a built-in flat grill that The Old Grey Lady herself once described as being "as large as a Fiat." A flag stone path meanders from the house down to a free-form swimming pool surrounded by an equally amoebic flagstone terrace. Split rail fencing encircles a vast swathe of gently rolling lawn before the property gives way to a sylvan buffer that backs up to a nearly 400 acre preserve.

This is not, as it turns out, the first property Mister Tucci owned in South Salem. In April 1996 he shelled out $387,500 for a 4,200-plus square foot house on 2.4-plus acres that he sold in mid-2000 for $1,150,000 and in March 2004 he (and his late wife) sold a large on house on almost ten acres in nearby North Salem for $3,650,000. Mister Tucci also appears to own or have some sort of trustee relationship to a home on 1.6 acres in his hometown of Katonah that appears to have been originally purchased by his parents and may or may not be the home where he grew up.

*South Salem is a sleepy hamlet in the Westchester County town of Lewisboro, a bit more than 50 miles north (and east) of Midtown Manhattan near the border of New York and Connecticut. Westchester County consistently ranks amongst the top ten wealthiest counties in America. Extra tidbit: In the 1970s Keith Richards of the Rolling Stones owned house in South Salem that he shared with his long-time paramour, Italian actress paramour Anita Pallenberg, and their two children. (A third child passed at 10 weeks.) In 1979 Miz Pallenberg's 17-year old boyfriend, Scott Cantrell, shot himself in the head with a .38 pistol that had been reported stolen the year before. That's right. Seventeen. The death was declared a suicide but there were widespread rumors and reports that the teenager was playing Russian roulette in the bed of the master bedroom when the gun went off. Miz Pallenberg, like her former man-friend and baby daddy, hasn't aged so gracefully but remains in close contact with Mister Richards, to which Your Mama can only say, "That's rock-n-roll, baby. Rock. And. Roll. 

listing photos: Houlihan Lawrence

Emilio Estevez quietly lists Malibu Micro-Vineyard

SELLER: Emilio Estevez
LOCATION: Malibu, CA
PRICE: $7,800,000*
SIZE: 3,731 square feet, 4 bedrooms, 5 bathrooms

YOUR MAMAS NOTES: It has yet to pop up on the open market but Your Mama recently heard from a reliable celebrity real estate snitch whom we'll dub Debbie Doom that actor/writer/director Emilio Estevez has quietly floated his gated mini-compound on Malibu's celeb-popular Point Dume as an off-market listing with an asking price of $7,800,000.*

The Tinseltown scion, the eldest son of venerable veteran actor Martin Sheen and the older brother of the still somewhat erratic acting horn dog actor Charlie Sheen, was a founding member of the so-called Brat Pack, a small group of young actors who appeared in the iconic mid-1980s movies The Breakfast Club and St. Elmo's Fire.** In the 1990s Mister Estevez's professional claim to fame came via the reasonably popular but almost universally panned sports comedy The Mighty Ducks and its two—Two!—sequels. Based on a careful perusal of his professional resume it seems to Your Mama that since in the early Aughts Mister Estevez has focused more directing boob-toob police procedurals and crime dramas (The Guardian, Cold Case CSI: NY, Numb3rs). He was last in the limelight back in 2006 when he wrote, directed, and appeared in the sprawling, star-studded, and not particularly well-received docu-feature Bobby.

Property records show Mister Estevez acquired the almost 1.1-acre estate near the geographic center of Point Dume back in April 2000 when he shelled out $2,200,000 for the then almost brand new residence that, as far as Your Mama knows, Mister Estevez still shares with his long time lady mate/fiancée, former Fulbright scholar turned boutique vintner Sonja Magdevski. The couple planted, nurtured, and now harvest the pinot noir vines that are planted across the property and, along with grapes they get from up in the Santa Ynez Valley, they produce artisanal wines under the Casa Dumetz label.

Marketing materials Your Mama managed to scare up out of the interweb describe the house as a "European influenced villa" that evokes "the best of Spanish hacienda traditions" with patinated antique-looking wood floors, arched doorways, stained glass, and loads of hand-painted frescoes. There are four en-suite bedrooms and five bathrooms in the single-story main house, which the L.A. County tax man puts it at 3,731 square feet, plus additional living space in a separate, self-contained guest house that's set just off the motor court opposite the two-plus car detached garage at the front of the house.

A shallow but wide foyer steps down into a sunny formal living room fitted with Old World-y architectural details such as a carved stone fireplace mantelpiece that may or may not be marble but either way looks like it was imported from some chateau somewhere, vaulted ceilings braced by magnificent muscular wood trusses, and a bank of curtain-framed French doors that open to a central courtyard.

One of the identical frescoed archways in the formal dining room connects to the cozily-scaled den/family room that has direct courtyard access and the other leads in to a spacious if somewhat tired-looking center-island kitchen with two-toned wood cabinetry—some of which may or may not be cherry, a four-stool snack counter, and a window-wrapped breakfast nook that overlooks the back yard. There are high-quality appliances, counter tops fashioned from some sort of marble or onyx, multi-colored Malibu tile detailing, lots of frescoing on the ceiling and on the stucco hood over the range, and a stained glass greenhouse window. If there's anything decoratively worse, children, than a greenhouse window over a kitchen sink it's a stained glass greenhouse window over a kitchen sink. Just. Say. No. Anyhoo...

A long hall off the living room leads back to the roomy master bedroom where there's a (second) fireplace and backyard views and access through large windows and French doors on three of the four walls. The attached master bathroom is has two sinks, at least two stained glass windows, an inelegant shower-tub combination, and the exact sort of white-veined green marble counter tops Your Mama expects to find in a Midwestern bank.

The back of the house wraps around three sides of a multi-level red brick courtyard with colorful Malibu tile detailing. Beyond the courtyard a hodge-podge of outdoor recreations and amusements include a simple rectangular swimming pool with attached spa, numerous long raised planting beds laden with organically grown fruits and veggies, a couple of sheds, and long, undulating rows of pinot noir vines. There are more grape vines on either side of the driveway, both inside and outside the motorized gate, at the front of the property.

Although Mister Estevez's future real estate plans remain a mystery, at least to Your Mama, we do knot that his parents still own a modestly sized gated residence just up the street that they picked up way back in 1973 for a measly $80,000. Also just a few doors down is germophobe comedian/t.v. presenter Howie Mandell's Nantucket-y contemporary mini-compound that's also for sale—but on the open market—with an asking price of $7,750,000, slightly higher than the $7,250,000 he listed the ocean view property at in 2011.

UPDATE (10/2/13): It appears, as was reported by the L.A. Times, that the asking price for Mister Estevez's mini-vineyard has officially been set at $7.8 million although this property gossip has digital evidence the listing agent originally shopped the property at $9.995 million, as we originally reported.

*Miz Doom assured Your Mama there's a for sale sign out front of the house and whispered that there was an invite-only broker's open house last week.

**The Brat Pack consisted primarily of Mister Estevez, Anthony Michael Hall, Rob Low, Andrew McCarthy, Demi Moore, Judd Nelson, Molly Ringwald, and Ally Sheedy. 

listing photos: Mark Singer Photography for Hilton & Hyland

Beastie Boy Adam Horovitz Snags Chelsea Loft

BUYER: Adam Horovitz and Kathleen Hanna
LOCATION: New York City, NY
PRICE: $2,950,000
SIZE: 2,500-ish square feet, 2 bedrooms, 3 bathrooms

YOUR MAMAS NOTES: We first heard it from a trusted celebrity real estate tattletale, The Rolling Stone, who also kindly pulled up and provided Your Mama with the public record evidence that Adam "Ad-Rock" Horovitz of Beastie boys fame and fortune and his riot grrrl activist wife, Kathleen Hanna, shelled out a close to three million clams for a loft-style co-operative apartment in New York City's Chelsea nabe.

We have yet to suss out a sale price but online listings show the high-floor residence was last priced at $2,950,000 and property records show the seller is an influential lady-executive and accomplished luxury goods expert who's currently employed at Ralph Lauren and who acquired the centrally situated co-op in 2007 for $1,995,000.

The boutique-sized building near the border between Chelsea and the bustling (and residentially trendy) Flatiron District was originally built in 1909 as a sewing factory and, at some point—we don't know when and aren't convinced it's important enough to figure out, was converted to a 16-unit residential co-operative. The building offers its well-heeled owners and residents roomy loft-style apartments, a newly renovated lobby, a separately keyed mail room, a state-of-the-art video security system, and a web-enabled virtual doorman. For all that, as per listing materials, maintenance charges for the apartment ring up to $3,600 per month.

Listing details show the 2,500-ish square foot spread has a compact but proper foyer—a too-rare feature in urban loft dwellings, two well-separated bedrooms, three on-the-small-side bathrooms with nary a window between them, a good-sized laundry room tucked behind the kitchen, and a central living/dining/kitchen space that stretches more than 42 feet from front to back.

Exposed concrete ceilings are laced—as code, no doubt—requires—by fire sprinkler piping and there are medium brown hardwood floors throughout the loft that look to Your Mama a little too perfect to be original to the building. Believe it or not, puppies, there are many people who detest open-plan layouts like this but the four over-sized and south-facing windows in the living room will surely appeal to all the city dwellers who appreciate natural light in their living spaces.

The spacious and expensively equipped kitchen is fitted with honey-gold toned Shaker style wood cabinets topped with sand-colored granite and high-grade appliances. We dig the pantry wall with its glass-fronted doors on the upper cabinets but we're bitterly vexed by that curved breakfast bar island. Why? Why make it curved? Nobody asked Your Mama what we think—and what we think matters piddly-squat, of course—but we think the curve is way too self-conscious and makes it appear as if the kitchen is trying way too hard to be cool or contemporary or—the worst—interesting. Anyhoodles, poodles...

Located less than optimally directly off the main living area, the lone guest/family bedroom has three closets, two south-facing windows, and floor-to-ceiling built-in book shelves that mean the room easily does double, triple and/or quadruple duty as a library/study/office.

Nestled privately at the very back of the apartment, the 26-foot long, trapezoidal-shaped master bedroom has three super-sized windows on two walls, plenty of room for a sitting area/reading nook, a small-ish attached bathroom slathered in honed marble, and a fitted walk-in closet that all by itself is a whole lot larger than a whole lotta studio apartments in lower Manhattan. Marketing materials suggest the master bedroom closet is so large it could be converted to a third bedroom but opt not to mention that the potential third bedroom would not have a window.

Avid celebrity real estate watchers may recall that last year, in April (2012), Mister Horovitz and Miz Hanna sold a 19th-century townhouse on Spring Street in SoHo for $5.5 million to a Canadian developer who, after a bitter battle with preservationists, razed the house and its next door neighbor last October to make way for a mixed use retail-condo building. Interestingly enough, one of the Canadian developer's creditors recently initiated foreclosure proceedings on a $5.6 million loan partially secured by the Spring Street townhouse because, they claim, the townhouse was razed without their permission. It's a tangled tale and, iffin any of y'all enjoy these sorts of property debacles, the kids at Curbed have a small archive with lots of links over more stories on the matter posted on other property-centric websites.

listing photos and floor plan: Halstead

James Van Der Beek Lists Valley Village Digs

SELLER: James Van Der Beek
LOCATION: Los Angeles (Valley Village), CA
PRICE: $1,250,000
SIZE: 3,017 square feet, 4 bedrooms, 3 bathrooms

YOUR MAMAS NOTES: It took a little sorting out and a back up from the always in-the-know Lucy Spillerguts to figure out that a comfortable-looking if ho-hum ranch style residence located in the heart of the suburban Valley Village area of L.A.'s San Fernando area and currently listed at $1,250,000 is owned (if not occupied) by former Dawson's Creek heart throb James Van Der Beek.

Although Mister Van Der Beek, now in his mid-thirties with the blond, chisel-chinned good looks of Clark Kent (or maybe Prince Charming), has worked steadily in a slew of movies and television programs since 2003 when Dawson's Creek ended he didn't land another gig as a series regular until 2012 when he killed it for two seasons in a brutally self-skewering role as a preening and comically vain version of himself on the short-lived sitcom Don't Trust the B---- in Apartment 23. He occasionally pops up on the long-running and award-winning but soon to be shuttered sitcom How I Met Your Mother and in May (2013) it was announced that a major network picked up the upcoming Friends-like sitcom Friends With Better Lives starring Kevin Connolly, Brooklyn Decker, and—you got it—Mister Van Der Beek. So, it seems, The Beek is back, at least as long as Friends With Better Lives stays afloat. Mazel tov and anyhoo...

Property records suggest Mister Van Der Beek and his ex-wife, actress Heather McComb, acquired the humble if not exactly inexpensive Valley Village abode in happier married days, in February 2006, for $1,260,000, a mite more than its current $1,250,000 price tag and a bit less than the original asking price of $1,295,000.

Current online listing materials show the 3,017 square foot single story California ranch residence was originally built in 1936, sits on a .21 acre mid-block lot in a respectable if ordinary neighborhood just off Laurel Canyon Boulevard, and has four bedrooms and three bathrooms.

The front door opens directly in to the white-walled formal living room where there are wood floors under foot, a vaulted exposed wood ceiling over head, a fireplace on one wall, and two sets of French doors on the other that expose the room to the covered entry porch where listing photos show an Old-Timey chain-hung porch swing.

The wide plank wood floors in the living room switch to slate tiles in the adjoining over-sized family room that's commodious enough to accommodate a t.v. lounge and a pool table and has direct access through wood-framed glass doors to the backyard entertainment and recreation areas. A breakfast bar is all that separates the dining area from the kitchen that appears dated and a mite tired despite the high-grade, commercial-style stainless steel appliances.

The private master suite has more vaulted ceilings and wood-framed glass doors that lead out to the backyard plus an attached bathroom with tumbled travertine type tile work, a jetted tub, a separate glass-enclosed stall shower, and an unexpected bamboo vanity cabinet topped by a pair of frosted glass vessel sinks.*

The back of the house wraps around two sides of a sun-baked flagstone dining and lounging terrace that steps down to a hedge-ringed flat patch of grass and classic, kidney-shaped swimming pool. Staging Lady in a Pink Toyota tucked a free-standing hammock in to the back corner of the property that would be a great place to read a book if you didn't have to look at the air conditioning contraption on the roof.

We're not quite sure where Mister Van Der Beek and his preggers-with-their-third-bambino second missus, Kimberly, currently reside but we do know it's not at the gated, hillside in the hills above Studio City that Mister Van Der Beek acquired in 2001 for $1,330,000 and sold off in June 2009 for $1,825,000.

*Your Mama is seeing enough of these too-trendy frosted vessels sinks lately—we also spotted them in Chris Colfer's Hollywood Hills house—that we feel compelled to create Rule #109 in Your Mama's Big Book of Decorating Does and Donts that reads, "Thou shalt not, under any circumstance or decorative compulsion, install frosted glass vessel sinks in any bathroom anywhere."

listing photos: The Agency

Key Largo MM100 Ocean side CBS canal front 3/2 house on a 8500 SF lot 655K UNDER CONTRACT!

This is a great deal. The usual ... don't wait or it'll be gone.

1876 SF living space, CBS, canal front, 3 bedrooms , 2 baths built in 1987.



If you are interested in this or any other propertty in the Keys, please contact me, Veepka, at 305-393-0923 or VepkaC21@gmail.com